So, I'm sure many of you know, allergies suck.
Unless you're allergic to Brussels sprouts or things like that; then having allergies is pretty sweet.
But it's not fun when you can't go vacationing because of rising levels of pollen, ragweed, and grass.
It's also not fun when you can't eat any of the below:
Milk
Tomatoes
Peppers
Mangoes
Pinapples
Melons
McIntosh Apples
and Eggplants. Please no Eggplants. If you have a personal vendetta against me, go ahead and put eggplant in my salad.
So, I'm vegetarian and all that stuff, so it seriously limits my dietary choices. I like to say, I get my energy from potatoes, my nutrients from salad, and my sugar from raspberry sorbet.
It's not fun when you're a teenager, and you miss out on pizza and all that stuff.
It sucks more than anything else, that I used to love pizza, until I became unable to eat both milk and tomatoes.
That's what I thought, until my mother decided that she should take me to try to 'cure my allergies', which in her speak, as it turns out, means acupuncture.
I spent 6 hours in a car to NYC, then entered a simple-looking office with a pleasant, clean demeanor with a fishtank homing many too many fish. I heard my name called, and then a bunch of gibberish in Chinese. Given my limited Chinese skills, I only caught on to small glips, which happened to be, 'cut' and 'electrocute', which certainly calmed me much.
I ended up with six needles in my back and four in my arms, all carrying currents deadly enough to kill all of the fish in the fishtank back in the lobby. But after an hour or so, the nurse entered to tell me, in broken English, that my 'gentle relax needle cure had reach stopping.'
So I spent 6 hours driving back to NYC.
And guess what. Next week, my mom told me I had to there AGAIN to solidify the treatment a week ago.
So I spent 6 more hours driving, one hour being tortured--i mean, treated, and six hours back with, supposedly, a body 'free from allergies'.
The next week, I got allergic rhinitis, or hay fever.
So yes, allergies suck, but ever more so when your mother takes you for acupuncture in an office 300 miles away.
Destroying my computer slowly with sorbet droppings,
~Roland
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3 comments:
"Ab ovo usque ad mala."
It would be nice if Harold would translate. Roland, do you know the drawings of Adrien Tomine? He's a comic artist who grew up w apparently life threatening allergies. you might look him up just for a little solace. also, I've heard of an excellent allergist in Lexington. Speak to Gillian Epstein whose son has several very serious allergies. or get your mother to speak to her... but maybe you want to leave your mom out of this. best wishes.
Taken from Horace, Satire 1.3--"From the egg all the way to the apples," all the way from beginning to end (a Roman meal beginning with eggs and ending with a desert of apples). I thought it was a sort of funny saying seen along with your blog title and this post, but maybe it's just my particular sense of humor. Still, de gustibus est non disputandum.
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